Gross Things Women Do

Privacy has a funny way of changing the rules. The second the bathroom door closes or everyone else leaves the house, perfectly respectable people can become considerably less respectable.

Here are some habits plenty of women may recognise:

• The sniff test. Is that top actually dirty, or does it have another day left in it? There’s only one highly unscientific way to find out.
• Inspecting what came out of a pore. Squeezing a spot is one thing. Staring at the result afterwards like a laboratory specimen is another.
• Picking at things. Dry skin, scabs, split ends and anything else that suddenly becomes impossible to leave alone.
• Going far too long between hair washes. If dry shampoo can save the situation, does another day really count?
• Investigating mysterious smells. Instead of immediately moving away, humans have an inexplicable tendency to smell something again just to make sure.
• Checking the tissue. Nobody talks about it, but plenty of people look before flushing or throwing it away.
• Using clothes as emergency tissues. A sleeve has occasionally performed duties its manufacturer never intended.

None of these behaviours is uniquely female, of course. The amusing part is how many supposedly “secret” habits turn out to be ordinary human behaviour.

The real question isn't whether women ever do gross things. It's how many people are sitting there reading the list thinking, “Okay, I thought that was just me.”

The bathroom may be the one room where social etiquette temporarily disappears.

One obvious example is examining things. Spots get inspected. Hairs get investigated. Skin gets picked. People check tissues, examine bruises and stare suspiciously at things they would never discuss over dinner.

Then there's shower behaviour. A shower is supposedly for getting clean, but it can also become the location for:

• Pulling loose hair from the drain.
• Sticking shed hair to the shower wall temporarily.
• Forgetting that hair is there until much later.
• Shaving only the bits that will actually be visible.
• Wearing yesterday's makeup for considerably longer than intended.
• Using the same towel longer than you'd publicly admit.

And then there's the universal bathroom calculation: “Can this wait?”

Someone comfortable on the sofa can suddenly develop an astonishing determination not to move.

Period-related habits can also seem unusual when nobody talks about them. Checking menstrual blood, clots or changes in discharge can actually provide useful information about what is normal for your body. Likewise, noticing unusual changes in urine or bowel movements isn't inherently “gross” — these can sometimes be health information worth paying attention to.

Most bathroom habits aren't shocking at all once they're said aloud. They're simply behaviours people usually perform alone, which creates the illusion that nobody else does them.

And yes, somebody somewhere has absolutely forgotten about the hair stuck to the shower wall.

Beauty routines sound glamorous until you examine what they actually involve.

Consider makeup brushes. They repeatedly touch skin, oils and cosmetics before being put back into a bag or container. The American Academy of Dermatology recommends washing makeup brushes regularly and advises against sharing them because brushes can accumulate residue and microorganisms.

Then there's makeup itself. That favourite mascara isn't immortal. Cosmetics can become contaminated over time, particularly products used around the eyes. The US Food and Drug Administration advises consumers not to share eye cosmetics and to discard eye cosmetics if they cause irritation or become contaminated.

Other less-than-glamorous beauty habits include:

• Squeezing spots despite knowing you probably shouldn't.
• Biting or peeling dry skin from lips.
• Picking chipped nail polish instead of removing it properly.
• Reusing razors well beyond their best days.
• Forgetting when a makeup sponge was last washed.
• Applying makeup with fingers that weren't freshly washed.
• Keeping ancient cosmetics because “there's still some left.”

One particularly tempting habit is attacking blackheads. The instant gratification is difficult to deny, but dermatologists generally advise against repeatedly picking or squeezing acne because it can increase inflammation and the risk of scarring.

Beauty routines don't need to be sterile. Skin naturally carries microorganisms and everyday life isn't an operating theatre.

But if you suddenly can't remember the last time you washed that makeup sponge, this might be its moment.

Being alone creates an entirely different category of behaviour — things that aren't necessarily unhygienic but would be extremely difficult to explain if somebody unexpectedly walked through the door.

Talking to yourself is near the top.

Not merely thinking aloud, either. Full conversations. Rehearsed arguments. Imaginary interviews. Acceptance speeches for awards nobody has offered. Occasionally replaying a conversation from three years ago and finally delivering the devastating comeback that should have occurred at the time.

Then there are the physical oddities:

• Making bizarre faces in the mirror.
• Examining your face from approximately two centimetres away.
• Plucking one strangely fascinating hair.
• Dancing while doing something completely mundane.
• Singing one line of a song repeatedly.
• Smelling clothing to determine whether it can be worn again.
• Eating combinations of food you'd never serve another human.
• Checking yourself from multiple angles in the mirror.
• Googling an extremely specific question you'd rather nobody saw in your history.

And then there's the phenomenon of becoming fascinated by your own body.

A mysterious bump appears and suddenly you're conducting an investigation. One unusually long hair appears and it becomes the most interesting object you've encountered all day.

None of this necessarily means anything profound. Humans behave differently when they aren't being observed.

Perhaps the funniest part isn't that people have weird private habits.

It's that almost everyone assumes their particular weird habit is uniquely theirs.

Some supposedly disgusting behaviours are surprisingly widespread because they're simply part of having a human body.

Smelling yourself is an obvious example. Armpit checks, breath checks and discreet clothing sniffs are essentially primitive quality control.

Then there's picking. A tiny piece of dry skin can somehow demand more attention than an important email. Once you've noticed it, leaving it alone can feel almost impossible.

Food creates another category:

• Eating something after dropping it and deciding the surface was “clean enough.”
• Drinking directly from a container when nobody else is around.
• Eating in bed and discovering crumbs much later.
• Licking food from a finger and continuing cooking.
• Checking whether questionable food is safe by smelling it repeatedly.
• Eating something directly from the fridge instead of getting a plate.

Hair brings its own rituals. People examine hairs they've pulled out, investigate the root, play with split ends and occasionally discover a mysterious chin hair that apparently grew several centimetres overnight.

Some habits do deserve a little more attention. Regular handwashing, appropriate menstrual hygiene, cleaning reusable beauty tools and avoiding repeated skin picking can reduce irritation or infection risk. Guidance from organisations such as the NHS, US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and American Academy of Dermatology can help distinguish harmless quirks from hygiene practices worth changing.

But most of the embarrassing little things people do aren't shocking revelations.

They're reminders of something much funnier:

Everyone is considerably grosser in private than they appear in public.